Growing up I always felt my family had a deficit because we lived in an apartment, drove an old car, and we did not have many clothes.  Beginning in elementary school the kids all LOVED my parents, which made me happy.  Mama and daddy did everything together, always held hands, and always included me.  My parents were married only to each other, and they were whole-heartedly devoted to me.  We were all just so very happy.  I figured everyone had that, only with a house and money.  My father taught me to always be positive and thankful for all we had.  I have just come to realize how many families are seriously dysfunctional.  People can be incredibly cold, unforgiving, and hold grudges.  Frankly it is mind-boggling to me to NOT be loved:  truly and sincerely.  I remember when my husband and I first got married and we’d had a fight.  My mother told me that my husband was her son now, too — and she refused to take a side.  My mother truly loved my husband as her own son, and I am an only child!  Naively, I assumed all families genuinely merge together.  If that does not happen please know you do not need to win the approval of others in order to gain your value.  Instead I would say go where you are loved, appreciated, and/or at least needed.  In the Bible, Proverbs 15:17 (Contemporary Version) says:  “A simple meal with love is better than a feast where there is hatred.”  I discovered that is true even 2,000 years past the time it was written.  What I have learned is that you cannot expect or even hope for others to love you.  The reasons are not important and often it is complicated.  Sometimes it’s not even about you.  However, sometimes you just cannot please people no matter how hard you try — or how many years pass while trying to do so.  Being excluded from things can be both highly embarrassing and incredibly hurtful.  My advice to you is to be gracious and rise above it.  Other people do not define your self-worth.  Be kind, be forgiving, and be empathetic.  Do not ever exclude someone because of some perceived infraction.  I am writing this for everyone — regardless of race, religion, nationality, age, sexual orientation, gender, or socioeconomic level.  You deserve to be truly accepted and, if you are not — know that you are enough.

Once upon a time I was fortunate enough to have a best friend.  She was close to my age, beautiful, and smart.  We met at a pet store where her rescue group was offering adoption opportunities for cats.  We both loved animals, were both vegetarians, we both loved to sing, and we became instant friends.  She was the sister I never had.  She lent me clothes to wear on trips and I became the recipient of her considerable closet whenever she culled it.  Then one day we had a falling out.  I was hurt, and I believe I hurt her.  Of course none of that was intentional on either of our parts.  Over half a decade would slip by before I received a private message from her.  SHE reached out to me and said she was terrified I might not choose to respond.  It was sent during the first of January this year but, as heaven is my witness, I received it on a random day about a month ago.  Her words touched me, humbled me, and made me incredibly sad.  I am very much accustomed to being a “lone wolf.”  After my parents died I have been on my own, with the exception of my husband and daughter.  Lately I have been drowning in a sea of depression, despite knowing how fortunate I am.  In my life I have learned people can be incredibly unforgiving.  I have spent almost two decades trying to be loved and truly accepted by people who just never will.  It has finally dawned on me I need to stop seeking water from a dry well.  Tears were streaming down my face and staring back at me from my iPhone were words of love, hope, and forgiveness.  I answered my friend immediately and subsequently we had a three hour phone conversation.  It wasn’t even very awkward and the layers of time peeled back as if it had only been a minute instead of years.  For anyone out there who is struggling with old hurts or perceived “slights” I offer this:  it is never too late.  I am finally letting go of my Sisyphian boulder.  I am trying to accept the things I cannot change.  Go instead where you are truly wanted, valued, and accepted.  God bless my best friend for being braver and bigger than I and deciding to reach out.  The late, great Mahatma Gandhi once said, “The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”