It’s autumn and this is second time I have ever really thought much about team sports.  In middle school and high school I enjoyed competing on the swim team.  Since becoming a mother, I have learned to love soccer (which I wanted to play as a kid) and now volleyball (which I also wanted to play but, by middle school, was too afraid of missing and looking “uncool.”)  This is the first year my girl could play volleyball for her school (she had been playing soccer for the YMCA in the spring) and she had no idea at first what she was doing for either sport.  In soccer she was not sure whose goal was whom’s and in volleyball she could not return the ball when she first started.  I found myself shrieking for my child’s teams, even as I only half knew what they were doing.  In volleyball I discovered I enjoyed visiting the other schools’ campuses as I developed my appreciation of the sport, just as I did with the different soccer fields when she was playing for the Y.  Her teams made it to the playoffs for the championships in both sports!  Far more moving was that her teams supported her even when she was goalie in soccer and let a goal pass (to forfeit the championship) as well as when she failed to make her serves in volleyball.  As a kid I had always been SO afraid about what others would think.  I know I never even scratched the surface of living up to my sports potential.  I love learning lessons from my little one.  Albert Einstein once said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”  The older I become, the more important I realize this is.  No matter who you are, where you’re from, what challenges you may have, or how old you are:  if there is something you want to do, be thankful you can and take a shot.

I grew up with my mother’s baby grand in our small apartment.  It looked so elegant and yet, when I got married and my husband bought our house I just could not seem to make it fit.  Mama’s Story and Clark was over 100 years old and in need of significant repair.  When I was in college I acquired this little upright Kimball and that easily fit into our home.  Have you ever noticed when you hear something “off” long enough you can actually get used to it?  Our little one’s piano teacher informed me our piano was in need of tuning.  It was so cool to watch the guy who came out, and he told me my piano was over 75 years old.  It got me to thinking about time, and (literally) being “out of tune.”  The whole concept (which has a negative connotation in some circles) about being “woke” has simply helped some people become in tune with what the truth of history actually is.  My parents reared me to always do my best.  They also taught me to humbly accept there would be inevitable disappointments in my life:  crummy boyfriends; jobs that didn’t work out, or things that just weren’t fair.  I am not sure whether or not I have written this before, but my father taught me there was one thing I could always do.  He said I could ALWAYS be the most kind.  That really stuck with me.  It has been sort of the one thing I could always control.  How I wish my parents were still living.  In this picture it shows my daughter wearing her favorite T-shirt:  Be kind to all kinds.  She took it to mean plants and animals, while I took it to mean all the people who have hurt and/or betrayed me in life.  This was also when our piano was being tuned.  The Nobel Prize winning Polish-born American Jewish writer, Isaac Bashevis Singer, wrote, “Kindness, I’ve discovered, is everything in life.”  Times change and, if we are in tune with them, perhaps we can hear/understand things a bit better.  Whether or not we agree with everything happening — we all can still be kind to all kinds.

Growing up I always felt my family had a deficit because we lived in an apartment, drove an old car, and we did not have many clothes.  Beginning in elementary school the kids all LOVED my parents, which made me happy.  Mama and daddy did everything together, always held hands, and always included me.  My parents were married only to each other, and they were whole-heartedly devoted to me.  We were all just so very happy.  I figured everyone had that, only with a house and money.  My father taught me to always be positive and thankful for all we had.  I have just come to realize how many families are seriously dysfunctional.  People can be incredibly cold, unforgiving, and hold grudges.  Frankly it is mind-boggling to me to NOT be loved:  truly and sincerely.  I remember when my husband and I first got married and we’d had a fight.  My mother told me that my husband was her son now, too — and she refused to take a side.  My mother truly loved my husband as her own son, and I am an only child!  Naively, I assumed all families genuinely merge together.  If that does not happen please know you do not need to win the approval of others in order to gain your value.  Instead I would say go where you are loved, appreciated, and/or at least needed.  In the Bible, Proverbs 15:17 (Contemporary Version) says:  “A simple meal with love is better than a feast where there is hatred.”  I discovered that is true even 2,000 years past the time it was written.  What I have learned is that you cannot expect or even hope for others to love you.  The reasons are not important and often it is complicated.  Sometimes it’s not even about you.  However, sometimes you just cannot please people no matter how hard you try — or how many years pass while trying to do so.  Being excluded from things can be both highly embarrassing and incredibly hurtful.  My advice to you is to be gracious and rise above it.  Other people do not define your self-worth.  Be kind, be forgiving, and be empathetic.  Do not ever exclude someone because of some perceived infraction.  I am writing this for everyone — regardless of race, religion, nationality, age, sexual orientation, gender, or socioeconomic level.  You deserve to be truly accepted and, if you are not — know that you are enough.

Once upon a time I was fortunate enough to have a best friend.  She was close to my age, beautiful, and smart.  We met at a pet store where her rescue group was offering adoption opportunities for cats.  We both loved animals, were both vegetarians, we both loved to sing, and we became instant friends.  She was the sister I never had.  She lent me clothes to wear on trips and I became the recipient of her considerable closet whenever she culled it.  Then one day we had a falling out.  I was hurt, and I believe I hurt her.  Of course none of that was intentional on either of our parts.  Over half a decade would slip by before I received a private message from her.  SHE reached out to me and said she was terrified I might not choose to respond.  It was sent during the first of January this year but, as heaven is my witness, I received it on a random day about a month ago.  Her words touched me, humbled me, and made me incredibly sad.  I am very much accustomed to being a “lone wolf.”  After my parents died I have been on my own, with the exception of my husband and daughter.  Lately I have been drowning in a sea of depression, despite knowing how fortunate I am.  In my life I have learned people can be incredibly unforgiving.  I have spent almost two decades trying to be loved and truly accepted by people who just never will.  It has finally dawned on me I need to stop seeking water from a dry well.  Tears were streaming down my face and staring back at me from my iPhone were words of love, hope, and forgiveness.  I answered my friend immediately and subsequently we had a three hour phone conversation.  It wasn’t even very awkward and the layers of time peeled back as if it had only been a minute instead of years.  For anyone out there who is struggling with old hurts or perceived “slights” I offer this:  it is never too late.  I am finally letting go of my Sisyphian boulder.  I am trying to accept the things I cannot change.  Go instead where you are truly wanted, valued, and accepted.  God bless my best friend for being braver and bigger than I and deciding to reach out.  The late, great Mahatma Gandhi once said, “The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”