I realize she is my child, but I have honestly never seen anyone look more beautiful in sleep.  Of course I have watched her sleeping since the moment she came out of me.  And she has always been beautiful.  I remember the nurses going in and out of my room around 3 a.m. and I got concerned because there were really quite a few of them.  Convinced something was wrong, I finally asked what they were checking for.  I think I sort of startled them because they’d assumed I was asleep.  After they assured me nothing was wrong one woman said that in the over sixteen years she had been a delivery nurse she had only seen one other baby get a perfect 10 on their Apgar test.  After I learned what it stood for I KNEW IT!  And I was so incredibly proud!  It was irrational but after everything I went through and all the scares and warnings about “advanced maternal age” it was both a gratifying blessing and tremendous relief.  I got to thinking recently about Disney’s “Sleeping Beauty” and how the three fairy godmothers each got to bless Princess Aurora with a single gift.  The first was the gift of beauty, the second, the gift of song.  We will never know what the third would have been since it had to be changed in order to save her from Maleficent.  Going back to the beginning the feminist in me was never too sure about the whole princess thing and needing to be rescued by a man.  Fortunately times have changed but I do see redemptive qualities in each of the characters with which I would like to gift my daughter.  I see kindness in Snow White as she cared for the dwarfs and never looked upon them differently than any one else.  I see determination in Ariel, “The Little Mermaid”, to make her own life.  In Belle from “Beauty and the Beast” I see a love of reading and also a great compassion.  In Jasmine from “Aladdin” I see someone not concerned with social constraints or financial boundaries.  In Pocahontas I see a real woman who respected the earth and all its creatures.  In Mulan I see courage and honor as she fought in her father’s place for China.  In Tiana from “The Princess and the Frog” I see someone with dreams working to make them come true.  And of course in Cinderella I see the happy ending of true love the romantic in me cannot help but want for my Baby Doll.  Maris has beauty, kindness, determination, compassion, inclusiveness, a love of God and nature, courage and honor, and she is already a hard worker with dreams of her own she wants to fulfill.  I pray she will continue to strengthen these qualities AND find true love.  American psychiatrist David Viscott said, “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.”  Someday some guy is going to feel the warmth of her sun and know he simply cannot live without her.  If he is lucky, she will feel the same.  And they will live happily ever after.

Yesterday I got a lovely note from my little one’s teacher thanking me for being the “room mother” this year.  It made me feel great that she took time out to tell me she appreciated all I did and thanked me the most for sharing my child with her.  I had yet to write a corresponding note when, to my frozen dread, I received another note in my little one’s cubby today.  Only this one was a student referral signed by her teacher and the Head of School saying my child had been making horrendous noises during circle time and essentially refused to stop.  Her voice carried so loudly down the hall one of the poor women in the office had to take headache medicine.  I just stood there holding the note thinking how very different this one was from the other.  I had Maris apologize to the woman with the pounding headache and felt my eyes bulge as I told my misbehaving one we would discuss it in the car.  Once inside I told her she would have no “screen time” for the rest of the day and then the crying set in.  For the record screen time connotes anything with a screen — a television, iPad, iPhone or Leap Pad.  As tears of belated remorse streaked down her face I decided to not take the old school road my parents took, which would have been a serious spanking.  Instead I thought about why we’d chosen a Montessori school and tried to emulate that approach.  I told her she could continue to wail about her punishment or she could quietly accept it.  If she continued wailing her punishment would be extended.  If she accepted it and tried to move forward, with a sincere resolution not to do it again, we could still have a happy weekend.  (Either way I was silently preparing to open a bottle of wine.)  To my surprise and delight she made the good choice and simply accepted she was on punishment.  After about an hour I was able to praise her for turning her day around by choosing to make a better decision.  She seemed surprised I wasn’t yelling.  I told her I was proud of her but that if this happened again things would not go so easy.  AT ALL.  This is yet another time when I miss my folks so much.  I miss their wisdom, their gentleness, and their strength.  They managed to discipline me while championing me at the same time and I never resented them for it.  American author Steven Pressfield said:

“Long-term, we must begin to build our internal strengths.  It isn’t just skills like computer technology.  It’s the old-fashioned basics of self-reliance, self-motivation, self-reinforcement, self-discipline, self-command.”

I certainly hope I am setting her on the right path; I am still working on all of those myself.

It started out like any other day.  I’ve been trying to start jogging again and I was actually enjoying running with the wolfies.  Then out of nowhere I tripped and landed with all my weight on my shoulder, proceeding to skid a few feet on the cement for good measure.  More than my pride was hurt; I could not move my shoulder.  So I finished my run home holding the wolfies’ leashes in one hand while trying not to get blood from the other onto Burk’s undershirt.  Here is where I start counting my blessings:  Burk was off work and saw me so he was able to drive me to the doctor’s clinic.  They were very thorough and gave me 11 X-rays to check everything out, including my humerus bone which I thought was funny.  One nurse speculated maybe I had dislocated my shoulder because I was really in a lot of pain — and I have a VERY high tolerance.  The radiologist said I had “massive contusions” and I told the doctor I was a little embarrassed for coming but I just wanted to be sure everything was OK.  He told me he’d seen football players wearing pads have the same injury and cry.  I felt a lot better hearing him say I would have been crazy not to have come in.  For varying reasons I have always had a general rule that unless I’m profusely bleeding (heaven forbid) I just tough it out and don’t see the doctor.  However as I have gotten older this has not applied to check-ups and/or health screenings.  Another blessing:  nothing was broken!  Yet another blessing:  being able to have health insurance thanks to my husband’s job.  American moral and social philosopher Eric Hoffer said, “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”  So I realized I was blessed to be suddenly slung in a sling.  Instead of trying to quantify my blessings I have tried to put some of them into words; they are too numerous to count … and too beautiful to adequately express.  I bet you will find the same.  Be blessed this day and all others.

I have had a turtle as part of my family ever since I can remember.  They were always red eared sliders who were rescued.  We had a pond built for our last red eared slider and then she passed away.  She got to be the size of a large dinner plate and we could not buy a tank big enough to hold her.  I do not recommend them as pets for that very reason; they just keep growing and growing.  So when Sipokni died we decided to get two little Texas map turtles as part of our menagerie.  They are the smallest breed of aquatic turtle and males do not get any bigger than the palm of your hand.  I named them Pecos and Brazos.  They were rescues as well, as they were slated to be on the menu as turtle soup in Asia.  *shudder*  Their 55 gallon tank is roomy and they love to come out and bask like you see in the picture I took here.  I think this is Brazos; he’s slightly bigger than Pecos, just like the rivers.  I like to hear the filter running because it has the tranquility of an indoor waterfall.  One of our cats is always on top of the tank I suspect because she likes the heat lamp.  In Native culture, turtles are the symbol for long life and we all like having them.  They do not bite and are low maintenance.  When I look at them I am reminded of the American writer Bill Copeland’s words:  “Try to be like the turtle — at ease in your own shell.”  I think that is the very best place to be.

When I was in the fourth grade I made the Dallas Girls’ Chorus and our spring concert was in Caruth Auditorium at SMU.  Walking around the big center fountain that night I knew it was where I wanted to attend college someday.  And I did; SMU is my Alma mater.  I thought about majoring in music but my degree is in journalism with a minor in Native American Indian history and I was one class shy of a double minor in French.  It would be over two decades later after circling that fountain in front of Dallas Hall until I would meet the man I would marry.  Despite having known him almost ten years now we had never attended a concert together.  We’d been to operas (which he mostly struggled to stay awake through) and musicals (which I think he liked better) and, while this was not a concert in the rock band sense, I still hoped he might enjoy it.  Tonight the one and only Tony Bennett performed in the same auditorium I fell in love with as a little girl.  Walking hand in hand under trees grown more beautiful with the passing of time I thought about how fitting it was that we should be there.  I felt the same love for the architecture of the campus and spring hung heavy in the night air just as it did so long ago.  At almost 90 Tony Bennett has a powerhouse voice which has only strengthened with age and has been honed like a smooth whiskey that slides down your body, giving warmth and goosebumps all at once.  He was accompanied by a four piece band:  a grand piano, guitar, double bass and drums.  At one point he sang a cappella and with no mic.  That is when his perfect pitch, commanding projection, and raw talent really shined.  He has been quoted as saying, “I’ve been so fortunate because I never really had ups and downs as far as my career.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, I’ve been sold out all over the world.”  I am so thrilled he came to Dallas.  He looked more dapper than ever with his hand casually in his pocket while he held his mic next to his crisp handkerchief and crooned “Smile”, which I did not know was a Charlie Chaplin song.  My favorites were still “Fly Me to the Moon” and his iconic “I Left My Heart in San Francisco”.  He performed one hit after another effortlessly and without pause, not sitting or even sipping water for over an hour.  The stage was bathed in my favorite color dark blue and I took this picture from my seat after it was over.  Tony Bennett left it all, as he blew a kiss to the audience and then turned and simply walked away.  I went from “Rags to Riches” and once again I left my heart where I had done so all those years ago.  Only this time I was no longer a little girl, but a grown woman who got to experience the joy of introducing one love of my life to another.