Yesterday I got a lovely note from my little one’s teacher thanking me for being the “room mother” this year. It made me feel great that she took time out to tell me she appreciated all I did and thanked me the most for sharing my child with her. I had yet to write a corresponding note when, to my frozen dread, I received another note in my little one’s cubby today. Only this one was a student referral signed by her teacher and the Head of School saying my child had been making horrendous noises during circle time and essentially refused to stop. Her voice carried so loudly down the hall one of the poor women in the office had to take headache medicine. I just stood there holding the note thinking how very different this one was from the other. I had Maris apologize to the woman with the pounding headache and felt my eyes bulge as I told my misbehaving one we would discuss it in the car. Once inside I told her she would have no “screen time” for the rest of the day and then the crying set in. For the record screen time connotes anything with a screen — a television, iPad, iPhone or Leap Pad. As tears of belated remorse streaked down her face I decided to not take the old school road my parents took, which would have been a serious spanking. Instead I thought about why we’d chosen a Montessori school and tried to emulate that approach. I told her she could continue to wail about her punishment or she could quietly accept it. If she continued wailing her punishment would be extended. If she accepted it and tried to move forward, with a sincere resolution not to do it again, we could still have a happy weekend. (Either way I was silently preparing to open a bottle of wine.) To my surprise and delight she made the good choice and simply accepted she was on punishment. After about an hour I was able to praise her for turning her day around by choosing to make a better decision. She seemed surprised I wasn’t yelling. I told her I was proud of her but that if this happened again things would not go so easy. AT ALL. This is yet another time when I miss my folks so much. I miss their wisdom, their gentleness, and their strength. They managed to discipline me while championing me at the same time and I never resented them for it. American author Steven Pressfield said:
“Long-term, we must begin to build our internal strengths. It isn’t just skills like computer technology. It’s the old-fashioned basics of self-reliance, self-motivation, self-reinforcement, self-discipline, self-command.”
I certainly hope I am setting her on the right path; I am still working on all of those myself.
