This light is a symbol I have had in my home ever since I can remember finding out about my Native American Indian heritage.  It was at once startling and satisfying when I found out my grandmother was Choctaw.  So much fell into place … it was like this giant piece of our family puzzle finally came together for Daddy and me, and also for my mother.  It even explained the cadence of the way Grandma spoke English.  I believe my father felt a relief in finally knowing who he was and understanding so many things in hindsight about his formative years.  “Nashoba” is the word for “wolf” in Choctaw, and “okchako” means “blue.”  My spirit animal and my favorite color now had an ancient language I could put with them.  We were welcomed into the local Indian community with open arms, as there were many stories like our own.  Some people in their adulthood had no idea they even were full-blood.  And yet Native culture survives.  I have always been fascinated with symbology, starting at eleven when I wrote my first book on Christian symbols.  History has swallowed some symbols in her shroud of mystery.  As her secrets are revealed, our knowledge can either be shaken or reinforced.  Our countries have symbols, our places of worship have symbols, and sports teams and schools have symbols.  They stand for who we are, what we believe, and what we represent.  Although wolves in European culture have been falsely maligned for centuries, the wolf in native culture is rightly revered.  They are at the top of the animal chain, take no more than they need, keep nature in balance, are incredibly loyal, family oriented, and mate for life.  Wolves are also excellent communicators.  The color blue represents both the sky and the sea.  It is associated with open spaces, intuition, inspiration, and sensitivity.  Blue also represents meanings of depth, trust, loyalty, sincerity, wisdom, confidence, stability, faith, and intelligence.  I find the animals people are drawn to and the colors they choose fascinating.  For instance, my father loved the buffalo (known for strength) and my mother was drawn to turtles (the symbol for longevity.)  Daddy loved the color purple (a sign of devotion) and Mama’s favorite color was yellow (an almost universal color for sunshine.)  It was no surprise to me when my mother’s hospice nurse gave her the nickname “Sunshine.”  I would say my little one’s favorite animal is the cat, which represents independence and self confidence.  She steadfastly loves pink, and I suspect it is not simply a little girl phase.  Pink represents compassion, nurturing, and love.  Years ago when I asked my husband what animal and color he was drawn to I completely freaked out.  He said ravens and black!  I used to fear ravens, as I have always associated them with death.  After doing some research I was stunned to discover there has always been a strong connection between ravens and wolves.  They have been called “wolf birds” because they scavenge wolf kills, and ravens are also arguably the most intelligent birds based on their ability to adapt to almost any environment.  The color black is associated with power, strength, elegance, authority, formality, rebellion, and sophistication.  The Irish born British novelist C. S. Lewis once said:

“Humans are amphibians – half spirit and half animal.  As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time.”

Regardless of your beliefs, think about an animal and a color you are drawn to.  Study their meaning, and you might learn something about yourself.  As for me, I am nashoba okchako.

I think the older we get we forget what is really like to be little.  Remember when chairs were big, tables were tall, and doorknobs were high?  Imagine being barely five and being summoned into a 9th degree black belt Grandmaster’s office.  It was incredibly intimidating for me, and I’m 46.  Our little one was being awarded her green belt without even belt testing.  Forgive a proud mama; she is the only girl in her class and she more than holds her own.  As she continues her journey I am beginning my own in taekwondo, and I am loving every minute.  My daddy used to say the two saddest words were “if only.”  I do not want to look back and wish I had tried.  I do not want to say I am too old or I cannot do it.  I CAN!  I love the mental challenges and heaven knows I need the exercise physically.  I have told my daughter to never want to stop learning.  The key in that sentence is “want” — to desire or have a need.  The love of learning is a lifelong pursuit and a joy.  The American writer Anthony J. D’Angelo said, “Develop a passion for learning.  If you do, you will never cease to grow.”  I have a passion for writing, wolves, history, environmental protection, reading, and martial arts just to name a few.  Among other things my husband has a passion for geography, history, and politics.  My daughter is only beginning to unlock the key to learning, and she has realized with great jubilation it really is everything.  The more she can read, the more she understands.  The more she understands, the more she learns.  The more she learns, the more she wants to share that with others as well as implement it for the enrichment of her own life.  For her it now applies to reading, writing, math, science, church, singing, animals, nature, and martial arts.  She wants to learn about the Bible, dinosaurs, the ocean, and every animal on the planet.  Admittedly both my husband and I share those loves and so many more.  I want her to spread her wings and soar.  Whatever she pursues I just ask that she do it wholeheartedly and to the best of her ability:  that is what my father asked of me.  I try to always seek, and I am thankful to watch my girl begin her own quest.

My daddy was an usher at church.  He was always so proud to serve.  I often wish my husband could have met him.  They are both alike in many ways.  I remember when Burk was asked to usher and how proud he was.  I think he was the youngest by about 20 years.  Ever since our little one was a baby she has sought him out wherever he was in the sanctuary serving.  She used to say, “DA DA!” and point her tiny little finger at him.  The whole congregation saw it and loved the way her eyes lit up whenever she found him.  Now she waves at him and he smiles back at her as we pass on our way up to the high altar; myself for the Eucharist and her for a blessing.  I remember my daddy used to wink at me a lot and it would make my heart flip.  He was the most handsome, strongest man I have ever known and we were incredibly close.  Now I see my little one looking up at her daddy with the same rapt, adoring look I had for my father.  When the service was over she ran up to him and said, “Daddy!  Hold me!  You’re the handsomest man in the world!”  I got to capture this precious moment in time thanks to always having my iPhone in hand.  (Practically the only time I don’t check it is in church.)  It has often been said I look like my mother but with my father’s eyes.  Now it is said our little one looks like me but with her father’s eyes.  I imagine my mother must have felt the same looking at my father and me, as she so often took our picture together, with all the love she had showing in her eyes.  I pray our only child will be led to choose a gentle, kind man just as I chose my husband to be and my mother chose to be hers.  The American priest of the Congregation of Holy Cross, Theodore Hesburgh, said, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”  I grew up watching the deep, faithful, selfless, and abiding love my father had for my mother.  At 34, I waited a very long time to find a relationship like theirs for myself.  I pray for the man whom my daughter chooses; that he will love the Lord and his wife with all of his heart.  And I pray my that my daughter has a little girl who continues the cycle of ushering in love.

I have a penchant for things that incorporate animal imagery:  I have wolf salt and pepper shakers, a coyote cutting board, a fox butter dish, a squirrel nutcracker, a hedgehog toothpick holder, a turtle trivet, and a fish water jug that gurgles just to name a few.  Today I saw this little guy and could not resist.  Heaven knows I have a wine opener; I just loved it and it was inexpensive.  These whimsical little things never fail to brighten my day.  And they’re not cluttering the house; I use these things on a regular basis.  I have a cat shaped clock, a wolf ash tray, a coyote wine stopper, fox mugs, bird shaped scissors, squirrel nut holders, fox serving trays, coyote napkin rings, wolf knife rests, my mother’s cardinal lamp, and more.  In fact the more I think about it, my little one has a cat shaped toothbrush holder where the tail is the toothbrush, a soap dispenser shaped like a dog, a cat mat in her room, and we even have wolf shower curtain hooks in our master bath.  The American essayist and naturalist Diane Ackerman said:

“We’re losing biodiversity globally at an alarming rate, and we need a cornucopia of different plants and animals, for the planet’s health and our own.”

I would definitely say our house contains a cornucopia of different animals, but I really do try to be mindful of all animals.  I slow down for any creature on the road (and often times have moved them to safety,) any wildlife is free to drink from our pond, I am a vegetarian trying to go vegan (I enjoy almond milk now,) I try never to buy leather, I am glad the circus with animals is closing, and I have conflicted feelings about zoos.  *sigh*  My daddy used to say to do the best you can and then go on with it.  Right now I believe “owl” just have some wine.

Perhaps February 1st is an odd time to write about New Year’s Resolutions.  So often this is when most of us have lapsed with ours or have just dropped out all together.  I tend to be a feast or famine type of person.  Last year I ran every single day for five months until I broke my shoulder.  Since then I haven’t exercised at all until I began Taekwondo last month after having finally been released from physical therapy.  The Grandmaster at the Taekwondo institute where my daughter and I study has everyone write their New Year’s Resolutions on a board which they will break at the end of the year.  My little one is barely five and she was proud to write her name and present it to her instructor.  I was so touched by it I took this picture and sent it to the family.  Her paternal great-grandmother (GG) said Maris was so precious, and that if she did these all of her life she would be happy.  I have repeatedly told her to always be kind, because many times in my life I have experienced meanness, as I’m sure we all have.  Maybe she remembers how much I loved my mother and how much I helped her; I’m not sure how she came up with number two.  The third is all her, as she truly wants to be friends with everyone.  I thought about my own resolutions and I am trying to accept myself the days I fail, but to keep up with the intent.  The Merriam-Webster dictionary gives definitions for “resolution” as “the act of determining” and “firmness of resolve.”  This made me realize we must first determine what it is we want to accomplish and then maintain a firmness of resolve in setting about doing it.  The 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, said, “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.”  I hope my little one and I will be mindful of this throughout this next year and resolve to succeed in our resolutions.