Coyote Survivor

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I saw you tonight … there in the darkness of the trees.  You didn’t think I knew but I could feel your presence.  You were so calm, your tail so thick, and you were so big I wondered if you had some of brother wolf in you as well.  I called to you so you would know and not be afraid.  It made my heart glad to see you did not run.  I know you were surprised I turned my back on you.  But we are the same, you and I.  I have not forgotten, my brother.  I know my skin is red from my father and I could feel the blood pulsing in my cheekbones as I ran.  I watched you dart in between the three huge trees.  And you were so powerful you could not be concealed.  I know you came to me for a reason.  I heard you move farther into the brush on the creek and I was sad you did not stay closer longer.  I have not forgotten.  I still honor the old ways my father knew.  And I will teach those to my daughter.  We are alike you and I … survivors.  Thank you for coming to see me.  I will wait until you decide to visit again.  I am trying to learn what you came to tell me.  In the meantime, stay safe Nashoba Holba Muskogee.  And God bless you.  Achukma hoke.

“Whenever the pressure of our complex city life thins my blood and numbs my brain, I seek relief in the trail; and when I hear the coyote wailing to the yellow dawn, my cares fall from me – I am happy.  American novelist Hamlin Garland

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Nurture Nature

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I guess spiders are owed the credit for being the first ones on the net.  (Couldn’t resist.)  And thanks to the internet I believe this gal is a green Lynx spider.  Just look at her beautiful web she spun by one of our fountains!  Spider silk provides a combination of lightness, strength and elasticity that is superior to that of synthetic materials.  I was explaining to my little one that many people malign and fear spiders much as they do wolves … so quick to kill without realizing how beneficial they are.  I went back to try and get a better picture and her web was already gone.  I was so sad until I noticed one of her babies had taken up residence!  God bless the resilience of nature.  And God bless all our species that are vital to our environment.  There is famous speech attributed to the great Chief Seattle (Suquamish) which says:

“The President in Washington sends word that he wishes to buy our land.  But how can you buy or sell the sky?  the land?  The idea is strange to us.  If we do not own the freshness of the air and the sparkle of the water, how can you buy them?

Every part of the earth is sacred to my people.  Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every meadow, every humming insect.  All are holy in the memory and experience of my people.

We know the sap which courses through the trees as we know the blood that courses through our veins.  We are part of the earth and it is part of us.  The perfumed flowers are our sisters.  The bear, the deer, the great eagle, these are our brothers.  The rocky crests, the dew in the meadow, the body heat of the pony, and man all belong to the same family.

The shining water that moves in the streams and rivers is not just water, but the blood of our ancestors.  If we sell you our land, you must remember that it is sacred.  Each glossy reflection in the clear waters of the lakes tells of events and memories in the life of my people.  The water’s murmur is the voice of my father’s father.

The rivers are our brothers.  They quench our thirst.  They carry our canoes and feed our children.  So you must give the rivers the kindness that you would give any brother.

If we sell you our land, remember that the air is precious to us, that the air shares its spirit with all the life that it supports.  The wind that gave our grandfather his first breath also received his last sigh.  The wind also gives our children the spirit of life.  So if we sell our land, you must keep it apart and sacred, as a place where man can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadow flowers.

Will you teach your children what we have taught our children?  That the earth is our mother?  What befalls the earth befalls all the sons of the earth.

This we know: the earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth.  All things are connected like the blood that unites us all.  Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it.  Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

One thing we know: our God is also your God.  The earth is precious to him and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator.

Your destiny is a mystery to us.  What will happen when the buffalo are all slaughtered?  The wild horses tamed?  What will happen when the secret corners of the forest are heavy with the scent of many men and the view of the ripe hills is blotted with talking wires?  Where will the thicket be?  Gone!  Where will the eagle be? Gone!  And what is to say goodbye to the swift pony and then hunt?  The end of living and the beginning of survival.

When the last red man has vanished with this wilderness, and his memory is only the shadow of a cloud moving across the prairie, will these shores and forests still be here?  Will there be any of the spirit of my people left?

We love this earth as a newborn loves its mother’s heartbeat.  So, if we sell you our land, love it as we have loved it.  Care for it, as we have cared for it.  Hold in your mind the memory of the land as it is when you receive it.  Preserve the land for all children, and love it, as God loves us.

As we are part of the land, you too are part of the land.  This earth is precious to us.  It is also precious to you.

One thing we know – there is only one God.  No man, be he Red man or White man, can be apart.  We ARE all brothers after all.”

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Cap’n Crunch And The Spooky Pirate

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It sounds like an episode of “Scooby Doo”.  I was recently in a yogurt shop getting sorbet (vegan) when I noticed my beloved Cap’n Crunch was one of the toppings!  It brought me back to Saturday mornings waiting to watch “School House Rock” (the BEST) in between my all-time favorite cartoon “Scooby Doo”.  I always ate the cereal dry and it was just about the only junk food that was sort of condoned.  I think my folks were just glad I was leaving them alone so they could get some much needed extra rest.  I would park myself with a bowl in front of our big console TV on our brown carpet and let the next hour or so fly happily by.  Cracker Jack had prizes in them but nothing could top the day I got my glow-in-the-dark Spooky Pirate!  I remember digging my little hand in all the way up to my shoulder to get to the bottom of the box in order to fish him out.  To this day I still have him and he still glows!  I cherish him and now my daughter loves him as well.  Before all the healthy stuff that only old people were stuck eating when I was a kid we were free to enjoy sugar without guilt.  And it gave me the energy to rollerskate to disco in my Jordache jeans at the roller rink all afternoon.  British playwright Tom Stoppard said, “If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.”  Spooky Pirate has been with me for about 38 years now.  And when I see him I still feel like I’m seven.

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A Boxed Supper

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When Mama and Daddy were in high school, she said Daddy went up to her on the stairs, pressed a note in her hand, and then RAN off!  He was too shy to actually speak with her and in his note he asked her to attend a box supper.  I did not know this, but apparently it was where the girls made a supper, put it in a box, decorated it and then the boys would bid on the boxes.  Of course they wanted to win the chance to share dinner with the girl they liked but I don’t think you were supposed to know who made which box.  I believe it was for a church so that’s where the proceeds went.  I have always thought it was romantic (if slightly sexist) and it turns out that was their first date.  So my title is intended to be punny but I did not know how many people would appreciate it without the explanation.  A client recently gave me two box dinners that come delivered to your door complete with all the fresh ingredients and all you have to do is dump them in a pan and cook them.  I chose two vegan, gluten free ones and both my husband and my daughter flipped!  It was absolutely delicious and SO NICE to have all the ingredients right there and premeasured.  I still cooked it but it was so much easier.  It was such an unexpected delight!  I love cooking for my family but, as everyone out there knows, making the time for it is not always easy.  French gastronome Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin said, “Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are.”  This meal managed to thrill my meat eating husband, my gluten intolerant child and my deep sense of animal ethics.  (I omitted the yogurt to make it vegan.)  Plus it was absolutely delicious!  It had chickpeas, green beans, tomato sauce, onion, a serrano pepper, curry, basmati rice (my favorite) and fresh ginger that I can recall.  I had never even cooked with fresh ginger before.  We even had left-overs the next day.  I just may find myself boxing up more dinners in the future.  Bon appétit!

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Modern “Art”

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Call me unsophisticated, but I have never cared for modern art.  Not only do I not “get” it; my soul derives no pleasure from it.  The pieces feel bizarre, disjointed and Godless; some even offensive.  If one confesses to not liking or understanding them they are pooh poohed and dismissed as unimaginative or prudish.  For me, art stops at Impressionism.  The use of light illumines my heart.  We have a mall in Dallas full of “priceless” pieces of “art.”  I can remember seeing them since I was a kid.  And I have always remembered something my daddy said once as we were walking by one of the installations.  There is a group of metal, two story men mechanized to perpetually hammer.  I have never cared for them and as we passed Daddy said, “If I did that they’d call me crazy.  Someone else does it and they get a million bucks.”  I thought he was so right.  Sadly, the art world seems to be going more and more modern.  The picture here was taken at the same mall and it’s the most normal looking thing I’ve ever seen.  It still doesn’t move me but I liked the lights.  It reminds me of a webcam.  Who knows what it’s supposed to be.  Frankly I don’t care.  I tend to agree with the Swedish feminist writer Ellen Key who said, “The more horrifying this world becomes, the more art becomes abstract.”  And she died in 1926.  I suppose every era has had its critics.  They say the only constant is change.  I certainly hope so.

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April Fools’

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The first day of April, once called All Fools’ Day, is a time for playing practical jokes and spreading hoaxes.  The exact origin of this day is uncertain but its historical roots are interesting.  One precursor to this day was the Roman festival of Hilaria.  It has been theorized that during the reign of Constantine a group of court jesters and fools told the Roman emperor they could do a better job of running the empire.  Amused, Constantine is said to have allowed a jester to be king for one day.  The jester passed an edict calling for absurdity on that day and the custom became an annual event.  The current thinking is that it began around 1582 in France with the reform of the calendar under Charles IX.  The Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year’s Day was moved from April 1 to January 1.  Communication traveled slowly in those days and some people were only informed of the change several years later.  Still others who were more rebellious refused to acknowledge the change and continued to celebrate on April 1.  These people were labeled “fools” by the general populace.  They were subject to ridicule, being sent on “fools’ errands”, given invitations to nonexistent parties, and had other practical jokes played upon them.  These pranks became known as a “Poisson d’Avril” or “April Fish” because a young naive fish is easily caught.  In addition, one common practice was to hook a paper fish on the back of someone as a joke.  The harassment spread elsewhere to Britain and Scotland in the 18th century and was introduced to the American colonies by the English and the French.  Because of this movement into other cultures, April Fools’ Day has taken on an international flavor with each country acknowledging it in its own way.  In Scotland, for instance, April Fools’ Day is devoted to spoofs involving the buttocks and as such is called “Taily Day”.  The butts of these jokes are known as April “Gowk”, another name for cuckoo bird.  The origins of the “Kick Me” sign can be traced back to the Scottish observance.  In England, jokes are played only in the morning.  Fools are called “gobs” and victims of jokes are called “noodles”.  It is considered bad luck to play a practical joke on someone after noon.  In Rome it is still referred to as “Roman Laughing Day”.  In Portugal many people throw flour at their friends.  At the Huli Festival in India people smear colors on one another celebrating the arrival of spring.  This custom of prank-playing continues on the first day of April to this day.  I have never been much of a practical joker so I have not gone out of my way to do anything “special” for April Fools’.  I have always tried to stay quiet on this day; I believe I shall follow the advice of our sixteenth president, Abraham Lincoln, who said:  “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.”

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A Rose By Any Other Name …

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The English playwright William Shakespeare once famously said, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”  Sadly, his usually timeless words no longer always hold true.  Growers have bred the smell out of roses in their attempts to create the longer-lasting Frankenrose.  To me it is absolutely criminal.  The colors are beautiful but the joy of flowers for me is in their delicate, fragrant scent emanating from their velvet petals.  From the earliest times people from around the world have held the rose close to their heart.  The first known roses to have flourished were around 35 million years ago.  Hips have been found in Europe and petrified rose wreaths have been unearthed from ancient Egyptian tombs.  The Romans surpassed the Greeks when Nero, the infamous unspeakably cruel and hedonistic emperor in the first century A.D., dumped dumped tons of rose petals on his dinner guests.  Cleopartra had her living quarters filled with the petals of roses so that when Marc Antony met her he would long remember her for such opulence.  We find references to roses in Christian literature as well as in ancient Confucian and Buddhist religious documents.  In the Medieval Period the first known paintings of roses are on frescoes.  The earliest example was discovered in Crete around 1600 B.C.  The apothecary rose was first recorded in the 13th century near Provins, France.  It was believed to cure a variety of illnesses and was turned into jellies, powders and oils.  For me at least, I always associate the much maligned Marie-Antionette with the rose.  The era of modern roses was established with the introduction of the first hybrid tea rose, “La France”, by the French breeder Guillot in 1867.  My favorite color is dark blue, and I have planted “Blue Girl” roses in our yard which are actually lilac.  It is my understanding that the blue color is the last of the roses to be hybridized.  The symbolism of rose colors is steeped in tradition.  Red can represent love, beauty, courage, and respect.  White can represent innocence, purity, and reverence.  Pink can mean appreciation and gratitude.  Yellow can mean joy, gladness, and friendship.  (The state flower of Texas is the yellow rose; the “Friendship State.”)  Lavender can mean love at first sight, while orange can represent desire, fascination, or enthusiasm.  I have read stories about the legends of the blue rose — they represent true love and prosperity.  In some cultures blue roses are traditionally associated with “blue”, or royal, blood.  Thus the blue rose can also denote regal majesty and splendor.  Due to the absence of blue roses in nature they have come to symbolize mystery and the longing to attain the impossible.  I am fascinated with cross-breeding as long as it is natural — no dyes (as pictured above), no GMOs; nothing artificial.  My favorite color dark blue still has not been able to be naturally bred.  And the longing for it gives me something to desire.  Without the true roses’ sweet smell however the achievement will have fallen short.  My Grandmother Maris used to wear Rose Milk and I have never forgotten her scent.  I shall remain ever hopeful for my beloved rose to one day reveal herself:  with a smell sweeter than any lily and a color richer than the darkest blue in sky or sea.  Mystery and longing; something well worth the wait.  And how sweet it will be.

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Mama

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I have tried to stay busy today.  I have avoided looking back on pictures too painful to recall, particularly at the end when she was dying.  I lament her passing every day — so kind, so gentle, so loving, and so sweet:  my mother.  Today is her birthday.  If it were not for her life, I would not have life.  And if it were not for my life, my precious daughter would not have life.  I thought about choosing a picture of my mother but there are so many … her youth, as a mother to me, and when she got older.  So I decided to choose instead a picture of her namesake.  She is the very spitting image of her; particularly in this picture with her hair so red from the sun.  When I look at my child; I see her.  And so instead of crying incessantly today I have tried to celebrate the woman I loved most in this world.  I even bathed with her favorite soap of white flowers to bring back her scent.  She is with me every time I hear Claire de Lune, which she played effortlessly on our piano.  She is with me every time I see a cardinal, which was her favorite bird.  She is with me when I make her meatloaf for my family.  She always had a quiet, brilliant radiance of which she was not even aware that emanated from her.  Her skin was so soft and naturally unwrinkled by the hands of time.  But I can feel my daughter’s soft cheek and kiss the same full lips my mother had.  She is with me as I read to my only child; just as she once read to hers.  And she is with me when I think of her favorite scripture:

Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

My mother is always with me and I have the blessed assurance I will be with her again one day.  Until that day I will make sure she is with her namesake as well.  Her gentleness, grace, beauty, and kindness live on.  And I am so grateful to God for that.

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Ride Like the Wind

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When I was four I had a Big Wheel I rode absolutely everywhere.  I remember Daddy got me this thing that sounded like a motorcycle revver for one of the handles.  I thought I was so cool.  Leap from 1974 to 2016; my girl fearlessly gets on her cute karate instructor’s bike without a moment’s hesitation.  I don’t know whether to be proud or terrified.  I got to sit on a real motorcycle or two in my day and I was always afraid the kickstand would collapse and it would fall over.  However I have fond memories of my cousin Michael taking me through the mountains in California on the back of his bike when I was seven.  It was the ’70’s so there were no helmets and I loved feeling the wind in my long, straight blonde hair and inhaling the scent of the pine trees as we blew by.  He went fast and I hung on for dear life.  I remember when he’d turn it felt like we were going to scrape the ground.  I was a good girl growning up and I didn’t do anything wrong riding that bike with my grown cousin.  But I know if Mama and Daddy had been there they would have had a lot of gray hairs from it.  Of course I realize motorcycles can be dangerous, particularly in the city.  But wow the joy of riding free through those hills and trees was something that has always stuck with me.  It was exhilarating and I was able to simply enjoy the ride.  Shortly after my husband and I got married we went around Christmas for our close friends’ wedding in New Mexico.  We decided to go snowmobiling the next day in Durango and I was so paralyzed with fear (I don’t like to ski for the same reasons:  heights and ice) he had to drive for us.  Burk was so confident and assured and I remember being so grateful he got us through.  I suppose we become more cautious as we get older.  American actor Johnny Depp said, “I think the thing to do is enjoy the ride while you’re on it.”  My little one did not really go anywhere, but I believe she did just that.

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Sugar And Spice

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German-born American developmental psychologist Erik Erikson said, “Every adult, whether he is a follower or a leader, a member of a mass or of an elite, was once a child.  He was once small.  A sense of smallness forms a substratum in his mind, ineradicably.  His triumphs will be measured against this smallness; his defeats will substantiate it.”  When I was a little girl I always hated dresses and I particularly despised bows.  My mother and I finally made a deal after kindergarten:  I would wear a dress to make her happy for the first day of school and then I got to wear jeans and pants the rest of the year, except for church of course.  We shopped at Sears and they had this brand called Toughskins jeans.  If your kid could manage to put a hole in them you’d get a free pair.  My mother got about three a year on average.  I was recently dismayed to learn my much-more-femine-than-I daughter has been called a boy by other boys at school.  She always wears dresses but does, for the most part, eschew bows.  I adore anything French and I truly think she has a Rembrandt quality to her with her dark, French eyes when she wears them.  However this picture is the very largest bow we ever wear; I cannot STAND “bow heads”.  The poor little girls look like something out of Dr. Seuss — all bows, no faces, and (seemingly) no substance; just a big giant bow.  To learn they called my beautiful girl a boy hurt me and reopened old childhood wounds of my own.  I was a Tomboy and most girls were mean to me.  I do not want that for my little one.  I notice, like I was in school, she seems very popular but doesn’t really have any close friends.  My husband and I are both lone wolves (as were my parents) and I wonder if she’ll be the same.  She is fierce, independent, funny, kind, creative and brave.  I think she is drawn to the boys much like I was — not because she is boy crazy; rather she is just more adventurous.  However some of the boys are pushing her and hitting her.  My mother was the sweetest woman in the world but very passive.  My husband is also the sweetest man (next to Daddy) I have ever known but he is passive as well.  I worry she does not have my aggression, and I lament the fact that the word itself is considered to be negative.  Aggression to me is strength and assertiveness.  She is always kind and gentle and will never hit back.  I never hit anyone as a child either but my father made sure I stood up for myself.  Tonight she earned her sixth belt in karate and it is my hope she will be quick enough to avoid their aggression in the future.  If not, I hope she takes them down at the knees.

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